Dear Diary?
by SpoonyChan
Summary: Marluxia spills out his "emotions" on the back of Vexen's research papers to explain to himself how he's changing his life around by loving someone...and not just in bed. MarDem. M'd for extreme sexual references.


2/14/09

Deaarrrr...Diary. Yes, I'm sure that's what you would call this if you consider the back of Vexen's research papers an entry log to a diary. You have to give me at least a tad bit of credit for _writing_ as opposed to _doodling_, right Vexy? Although it's not at all likely for you to come across this juicy bit of information. Ohh, don't worry -- I'll make sure of that ~

Wow...that was a long "dear" sentence! Not _nearly _as long as -- ohoho, I'm sure you know, Diary 

_**Dammit**_, I'm getting off subject!! I _knew _writing this was a horrendous idea! I've never attempted to spill my..."emotions" out onto a page before. Please, darling, that's my little Schemer's job. I'm writing this out because I positively _have _to tell _someone_...about...

Something's _inside_ me and it needs to come out! Because...everyone _knows _how things are never allowed inside me (double-meaning intended, dearest). Except for maybe all the essentials such as food, air..._water _...OH, and we can't forget our daily dosage of succulent semen~

Heehee, I kill myself. Yet another job usually reserved for my dear Prince of Illusions and his "depressing" life-style...unless Axel can accomplish that duty for him. Ohhh, my heart thatdoesn'texist~ _Ohhhh _the pain~!

I'm getting carried away with this unexpected malicious attack on the other members of our lovely Organization. Hmmm, maybe I should just get that over with before I completely delve into what I'm really supposed to be touching on...

Well, everyone knows there's little Vexy. He isn't exactly little in physicality -- just in masculinity really. His manhood is -- WOOHOO WHERE IS IT -- _that _kind of little, which is probably why everyone thinks I'm the _boss _and _no one _tops me -- I'm _always _on top of Vexen (because it's like getting fucked with a broomstick when I actually "let" him top) and he's this schizo scientist that even topped Axel once. Honestly, who tops that feisty little pyro~? I probably would, but I'm not going to risk having my skin scorched while trying to hold him down. Leave the masochism to Vexen, as much as he protests that he hates the pain I deliver him.

Ooooh and then there's Zexion...my little Zexy He and his angel Roxas and of course my little denizen of memories, Namine, are amazing in bed. They're so cute and little and make the most delectable noises when I find their prostates -- or in Namine's case...I don't even know what she has, but she squeaks when I even _touch_ her...so cute -- but one of my favorite things about the three of them is that they struggle against my vines, my hand's grasp, my _body_...

But Vexy does that too, but I know he loves it. Why else would there be a tent in his pants every time I sent my vines through his body? And those definitely aren't screams I hear -- they're moans 

I've grown weary though. Even though I like playing the part of "the rapist", the one that everyone in the castle fears and flees from, I've become sincerely tired of it all. You could call what Vexen and I do with each other night after night consensual, but...we fight and bicker and are constantly at each other's throats about every little thing, and he never gives me the satisfaction that I need.

The same goes for Larxene. I like to play along with her and make her _think_ that we're partners in crime -- and in bed -- but there isn't much of a difference between her and Vexen, although she _is_ better "on top". Aggressive, but better. She's argumentative, sinister, and her voice is the most high-pitched, feminine noise that ever dared to cross my ears. I swear I can feel the blood seeping out of my ear drums every time she speaks to me, better yet throws her head back and slurs out my name. I hate her, but why break my trust with her by refusing an offer into her body?

You could say I'm going insane. I'm escaping my old life as a sex-crazed nympho and finding my way into one where I find someone who actually does it for me. It's unusual and scary and I don't feel comfortable changing my whole world around so suddenly, but...

By standard, us Nobodies are empty. We have no feelings or emotions -- just the mere memory of them. And we're told by Mansex that what we "feel" is only our poor imitation of our past lives. I've followed these regulations ever since I began my stay in the castle, finding entertainment in two of the three things I found I actually felt -- lust, and the one I achieved when performing sexual intercourse (on top of course) with another being, especially one of higher rank -- _power_. The only "feeling" left was pain. I hate pain. I'm not going to go off and slice my wrists up like a certain emo kid I know. That is simply idiotic.

I _bring _pain -- I don't receive it.

...

_Demyx_. Yes, Demyx. The Melodius Nocturne. It was a huge turn around, I know, but that's the reason I even started writing this anyway and I couldn't think of anything else to write. Before I started to think about dropping my lustful ways, I ran into him and remembered that he and Zexion had recently become an item. Perfect timing -- I could tease little Zexy by capturing the mulletted musician and locking him in one of Vexen's torture machines, or maybe...I'd just take him to my room and send my vines across his body. His skin was so perfectly tanned and golden, I wondered what my thorns and roses would look like against it and his warm blood...

So I lulled him to sleep easily with a simple sleeping potion and I dragged him back to my room, pinning him to the wall and cementing him there with my abundance of rosy vines. Turning my back to him and smirking, I proceeded to sharpen my scythe until Zexion would acknowledge his sudden disappearance. When he woke up, he groaned in pain at the thorns piercing his skin. He whimpered pitifully, tears pooling in his eyes. I was used to this, but something he said as I held his chin in my hands made my stomach clench.

_Can't you make vines __**without **__thorns?_

Of course, at that moment in time, I couldn't stop laughing. What was the point if there were no thorns? There was no pain, no blood, no struggling -- but that was it! Demykins _didn't _struggle against the vines. He just looked at me, pouting and sniveling every few moments, a tear trailing down his cheek. I shook my head, giggling some more as I snapped my fingers, releasing him. I told him to go and he hesitantly left. There really was no point if he didn't struggle.

But he came back! That sneaky little devil came _back! _And he brought his instrument called a "sitar" and he played me a song, causing the most amazing thing I've ever seen happen. My room, as you can well imagine, was filled with an assortment of flowers, preferably roses. I had recently watered them, so that must've been why water vapor visibly spurted from their soils and made swirling patterns in the air, kissing me wetly with their mist before returning to their pots at the sound of Demyx's vibrant music emanating from his instrument.

I asked after catching my breath why the boy came to see me. He said that I seemed lonely and needed a friend...and he thought I was funny anyway and thought I'd like Sasha. He named his instrument...how adorable. So adorable that I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him on the forehead.

"A friend" he said...I needed a friend.

Now that I think about it, I've never had a friend or a decent lover. I only love someone for their performance in bed...and the amazing power I feel over them...but Demyx, he...he doesn't care that everyone's afraid of me because he _isn't_. He doesn't jump on the bandwagon like everyone else does. He noticed that everyone hated me, so he decided that I needed someone to love me...

...but do you really love me, Demy?

You see, this is exactly what I mean when I say that I think I'm going insane. My thought patterns are going straight down uke road! I've actually considered being on the bottom of Demyx, but we might end up taking turns.

Why am I even thinking this deep into this!? We're just friends, but...

He keeps coming back to me. I don't really understand it very much at all, but he breathes this certain life into me that I've never felt before. It makes sense though -- his element is water and mine is flora. Water replenishes flora, so it's completely logical that his mere youthful aura would feed and water me like the wilting flower I never knew I was until now...

But he's changing me. Spring is coming and I'm finally blooming because of him.

It's Valentine's day and I have absolutely no idea what to get him. I was thinking a rose, but...I haven't gotten to the point where the thorns are completely gone. Yes, I've been practicing, as daft as that sounds. It's very difficult because I'm used to making them extra pointy for my certain someones...or _no ones_ if you want to be technical.

I've found my _someone_. It's time for me to be one for him...

-_Marluxia _

_P.S. - _I was thinking along the lines of giving him my heart, but I think he already has it...


End file.
